🔥Issue #13 - Understanding the biology of burnout
Tips and resources on how to avoid burnout, top Amazon picks for the month, trending articles and more
Hi there,
Phew! Can you feel the heat? No, it’s not just you – this crazy heatwave seems to be engulfing the entire planet! I hope you are staying cool with delicious iced beverages (ICYMI: Starbucks is doing 50% iced drinks on Wednesday's), hydrating, and lathering in sunscreen.
This month we are focusing on practical ways to avoid burnout, especially as we brace ourselves for the upcoming back-to-school season. So grab your cold drink and keep scrolling!
P.S. The next issue will be all about back to school! Leave a comment if there is anything specific you would like to see included.
xx
Ingrid
P.S. Don't forget to check in on your mom friends. Just forward this email or share this link.
🛍 This month’s Amazon picks
Beat the heat with this Silonn Ice Maker with over 21k reviews and only $89!
This cute Stanley cup pouch will keep your cards, keys, and chapstick safe while you sip your cold bev.
Stay organized and keep your kid's items away from the lost and found this school year with this portable label maker.
ICYMI on social
➡ Michelle Pratt, CPST, from @safeintheseat shares five simple things to do before your next ride to help keep the kids safe in their carseats.
Here’s what is happening in our lives at the moment
A few weeks ago I chatted with Shelley Kemmerer, PA-C, a Parental Burnout Strategist armed with sustainable solutions and practical resources to get tips and tools for us so we can understand the biology of burnout and avoid it!
WM: What are some common signs and symptoms of parental burnout that moms should be aware of?
SK: Parental burnout often manifests as significant (emotional, mental, physical) exhaustion, emotional detachment from one’s child(ren), and a sense of inefficacy or joy in parenting. Sometimes people describe it as a contrasting “self” (a stark difference between current parenting “self” vs. previous parenting “self”). Moms may experience constant fatigue, decreased patience with their children, and feel more easily irritable and inadequate as a parent. All of these feelings can lead to feeling guilty and ashamed. There may also be a noticeable reduction in involvement and interaction with the child/children. I should mention that these signs differ from general stress as they can persist even with rest.
WM: Could you share some practical strategies for moms to prevent and manage parental burnout in their daily lives?
SK: I can give you the stock answer, but I don’t think that will be genuine or helpful. I could say, “We just need to meditate! Just be mindful! We need to rest when our bodies need to!” OF COURSE, we can do all of those things, and yes, they are valuable tools for one’s toolkit, but they aren’t the complete solution.
There are over 74 million hashtags for #selfcare on Instagram. We aren’t short on ideas; we are short on time and money to invest. Sure, we can adhere to boundaries and practice saying “no” to extra obligations that could add another layer of stress. Still, we also need to make money to support our families, and our household tasks don’t just disappear if we ignore them. We have commitments and responsibilities to tend to, so we must be more comprehensive regarding strategy.
Eating well: Eating well isn't just about physical health; it's a crucial aspect of maintaining a healthy mind too! But I understand the challenges that many Americans face when it comes to accessing affordable, nutritious food. To address this, focus on accessing nutritious food through community-based solutions, local pantries, federal food assistance, and community gardens. Considering the financial strain, it's crucial to examine the whole picture and determine the necessary resources.
Sleeping well: If you have a partner, it means having fair task division and collaboration so that the housework doesn’t fall onto one person’s shoulders and pour over into late hours.
Connection: We need a community to lean into when we want and need it. We need friendship: a few core friends that you can call or hang out with regularly. So what’s practical for me? Being a part of a book club. Getting to bed at a decent hour and setting a phone timer so I don’t travel down a nightly doom-scrolling spiral on social media. We have to be strategic about the content we view and why. If it makes us feel guilty or ashamed of how we parent, we can opt-out and mute or follow.
Making time for things you enjoy: Speaking as a mother, I love my family, AND I deserve a life outside of being a parent. All of us parents do.
Triage what is urgent vs. non-urgent and shape your day based on that assessment. A level of urgency requires more attention and energy. Non-urgent things can wait.
WM: Are there any specific resources that you would recommend for moms who are experiencing parental burnout?
SK: I am a Parental Burnout Strategist/board-certified PA-C with an emphasis on parental health advocacy and resource support and I have a low-cost e-workbook for parents! Also, therapy can be beneficial, and I want to be clear that I am not a therapist. However, there are therapists out there that can help with burnout mitigation.
Support groups can be invaluable, whether they're in-person or virtual. Postpartum Support International is another option to explore. Also, don't hesitate to contact a care team member, like a PCP, to discuss it. They may be able to provide a specific referral or a personal recommendation based on your particular situation and needs.
WM: What role does setting boundaries play in preventing parental burnout, and how can moms effectively establish and communicate these boundaries?
SK: The art of boundary-setting is a parent’s secret weapon in the juggle between parenthood, work, and carving out a deliberate slice of time for oneself. Firm yet flexible boundaries can serve as a compass rather than a roadblock. When it comes to communicating these boundaries, it’s about expressing our own needs while striking a balance between assertiveness and being respectful. It’s about clarifying what’s on your plate and what’s not, what we can take on, and what we can delegate.
There’s a misconception that effective boundary-setting is more selfish than selfless. It’s quite the opposite. Boundaries are about preserving your well-being, ensuring you’re not stretched so thin that you can no longer give your best to your family, your job, or yourself. If we can clearly define the limits of our own time and energy at home, we can begin sharing those skill sets with our kids, and they will (hopefully) implement them as they age.
WM: Are there any particular mindfulness techniques or practices that you recommend for moms to help them cope with stress and cultivate a sense of well-being?
SK: I currently utilize many different breathing techniques if I feel stressed or overwhelmed. Here are some links for breathing techniques to help manage stress and maintain focus: one to increase energy, calm and ground, and keep the current state.
WM: Could you suggest some realistic and achievable goals that moms can set to gradually reduce burnout and improve their overall well-being?
SK: Remember the infamous infomercial tagline from Ron Popiel's Electric Food Dehydrator, "set it and forget it”?
There’s a way this tagline can be applied to the world of parenting. Just like we can’t expect a slab of beef to magically transform into a well-seasoned beef jerky without the right temperature and time, we can’t simply declare a goal and expect it to materialize without thoughtful, achievable steps.
Reducing parental burnout and improving well-being isn’t about setting lofty, unattainable goals. Instead, it’s about recognizing our current realities – the overwhelm, the under-resourced moments, the juggling – and setting small, manageable goals that can gradually create big change.
Key takeaways here: Small, consistent changes and focusing more on the systems we have in place and less on the goals. If we notice that we cannot hit a goal, we can look more at the systems we have in place and how we can adjust better to serve our household/work/and personal needs. Think of it as setting the temperature on your ‘well-being” Ron Popiel machine. Once the setting is just right, you can ‘set it and forget it’, incorporating these small steps into your routine until they become second nature. Before you know it, you’ve achieved your goal, improved your well-being, and reduced burnout. And all it took was a realistic, achievable plan and a touch of patience.
Source: https://www.aecf.org/blog/exploring-americas-food-deserts *
Trending articles
🔥🔥🔥 These are America’s 10 best states to live and work in for 2023, and there are some notable omissions by Scott Cohn | CNBC
🔥🔥🔥 These moms have been misjudged for their parenting decisions, and now they're speaking out by Conz Preti | Insider
I'm In My 30s. This Is The Career Advice I Wish I'd Gotten In My 20s by Monica Torres | HuffPost
Manage Your Energy, Not Your Time by Tony Schwartz and Catherine McCarthy | HBR
NEW! Introducing "mom to mom,” a new interview series featuring moms from our community, who will be sharing their best tips and advice for navigating motherhood.
Meet Jeanelle Teves, General Manager of Bugaboo North America. At Bugaboo, Jeanelle leads a fully remote team of 80% women and 60% mothers. In her short tenure, she has modernized the US employee handbook to include extended parental leave benefits, flexible return-to-work plans, and "What I Need" wellness Fridays. As a manager, Jeanelle is on a mission to “parent out loud” and to normalize personal and family commitments. Today, Jeanelle resides in New York City with her husband and two children, ages 2 and 6.
WM: Can you share any specific techniques or approaches you use to maintain a healthy work-life integration and avoid feeling overwhelmed or burnt out?
JT: One of the fundamentals for me is making time for movement, even if it was only 25 minutes a day. I used to go to studio class workouts, but with my kids being so young (6 and 2.5 years old) and the stage of my career, I do what I can to integrate fitness in my life because I see a profound difference. Now I roll out my yoga mat in my New York City apartment. My mantra is that it doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to be done. This is 2% of your day, dedicated for yourself, but will ripple into every other aspect of your life. Making the time to fill your cup will allow you to fill everyone else’s.
WM: How do you effectively structure your week to maximize personal and professional success? Could you provide some valuable tips or strategies that have worked well for you?
JT: I use Sunday’s to zoom out and set the 3 priorities of the week from a work perspective. I ask myself the question, what does future Friday me hope to accomplish? It could be an important deliverable, or conversation that I need to have. A big part of my job is seeing around the corner, and planning ahead helps me do that. I do the same scan of the week for my family life, now that I have my oldest in kindergarten there are all sorts of school activities. I review the week, what does our family need and divide/tackle those responsibilities with my partner.
WM: What strategies do you employ to maintain open communication and establish boundaries with your employer and colleagues regarding your responsibilities as a parent?
JT: I find when there is that mutual understanding of what success looks like, you can define your specific working hours or time blocks for any family responsibilities. If you are starting a new job or in an existing role, it is always important to align with your manager on what the priorities are. You would be surprised by how asking this question can really clarify and save time.
Another thing I would encourage is to seek a mentor, or leader who is a parent. Observe how they show up and depending on the size of your company – they can eventually be a great resource in guiding you. Some of my favorite mentors were working mothers before I even became a mother. They gave me confidence that when my time eventually came, I could manage an ambitious career and raise babies.
WM: Any advice for moms getting ready to return to work after maternity leave or considering a career change?
JT: I would encourage any mom to use the last weeks to set up their support system at home as the priority. Do at least two trials with your caregiver to ensure that the communication lines are open and to your expectation. During those trials, take the time for yourself to celebrate the closing of this big chapter, and the start of another. When you do start work, (aside from easing into adult conversations again) align on the most important projects early. If these are the only things you would have done you would have been successful. Finally, take gentle care of yourself, this is a big identity shift - from full-time mother and now back into the workforce. Be easy on yourself! You are doing great.
Follow and connect with Jeanelle Teves on Instagram at @jeanelleteves.
✦ What’s happening in the community ✦
Marine Biologist and cofounder of @poseidon.fisheries, Cassie Pardee Kyffin, published a cookbook and gave birth to her second baby.
Seouri Koo Sung just finished her Bachelor’s after dropping out in 2009 (she restarted in 2018 and had 3 kids)!
Carlota Lou Nasti just completed her first audit as the controller at Sproutloud Media Networks (she is so proud of her team because they completed it in a month)!
Stephanie Mansour was honored by Providence Business News on its 2023 40 Under 40 List!
Leaving you on a good note…
Partner of the month: Beach Puddle
The perfect solution that allows babies, kids, and parents to have fun and enjoy time at the beach safely.
This issue was brought to by Ingrid Zapata Read, founder of Working Momkind. Got a question or suggestion? Leave a comment or get in touch.
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